To start this, I should say that I think its totally normal and acceptable for someone to have a slight preference on the sex of their unborn child. I think a lot of women (but not all) say they have a slight preference for a girl because, well, we are girls. A baby girl seems more familiar and we know we can relate. Or, a woman already has a baby of one sex and would like to have one of each. I get it. Before I knew I was having a boy, I probably would have told you that if I had a preference, it would be for a girl. I just sort of assumed I'd be better at raising a girl, having been a young girl myself. The thing is....once you find out who the little baby inside of you is, you love it. No matter what. I am SO excited to be having a boy and, honestly, if the doctor were to say "Oops, its actually a girl", I would be really upset. I want my baby boy.
Here's what I don't get. Why do people think its acceptable to make comments to a pregnant woman about the sex of her baby and how it's not what they want?
I have had people make the stupidest comments to me about having a boy.* Comments range from mild--a co-worker telling me she "just looooooves little girls. but not boys"--to extreme. Like this:
I was out on Friday with some friends. Friend X just got engaged, so another friend asked her if they were planning on having children.
Friend X: Well, I'm sort of undecided about having kids because, to be honest, I'll only want the baby if its a girl. [pause] No offense Kristen.
Me: Ah, the good thing is, once you are pregnant, you'll love the baby no matter what it is!
Friend X: Uhhh no I won't. I want a girl.
WELL ALRIGHTY THEN.
She then proceeded to explain her idiotic reasons for only wanting a girl--you know, because girls clothes are soooo much cuter than boys. Seriously? Anything I tried to counter with (because I was feeling a little defensive of my baby boy at this point)--I've found really cute boy stuff!--she shot down and argued with me. I gave up, but sat there the rest of the night silently fuming.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? You get what you get, and you thank God you have a healthy baby.
Bottom line? If someone tells you they are having a (boy, girl), then the only acceptable response is "Congratulations! (Boys,girls) are so great!" THAT'S IT. How hard is that?
*Note, I'm sure if I were having a girl I would have people saying equally stupid comments about how boys are better and "Don't you want a boy for your husband?" There's no winning in this situation.
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2 comments:
I remember before I found out what we were having, I got tons of comments about the sex one way or another. "Oh, I bet you want a girl! Girls have the cutest clothes!" and "Boys are so much easier!" Thankfully, no one has made comments since we found out what we're having, because I'd probably hurt them if they did, but I just don't understand the point of this. Baby clothes are all tiny and adorable. Whether a kid is "easy" has less to do with their sex than their temperament. I just don't understand the point of setting all of these expectations on your kids--or being disappointed, OR expecting others to be disappointed--when the sex doesn't line up with what kind of baby you want. It's not as if the sex predicts what kind of person that kid is going to become...
Wow, just wow. I really don't understand some people. I agree that while having a preference is normal, being disappointed about the outcome is sad. Priorities... Is the baby healthy? Then at the end of the day, that's all that matters.
DH and I both thought a boy would be cool, but we're having a girl. :) DH was a little perplexed when the ultrasound revealed girl, but then all the way home, all he could talk about was the pink hockey bags he'd seen as some sports store, and pink laces for skates. We couldn't care less what sex our baby is, we're just happy that she's on her way!
I honestly don't know what I would say to someone like your friend. I would have probably been as defensive, and honestly, just to piss her off I probably would have told her "You have no idea what you're talking about". I would hate to even ask her the 'what if you found out you were having a boy' question, for fear that she might say something even more stupid than what she's already said, and I might go medieval on her arse.
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